Eating Habits
by Psychoticbunny
Summary: Because ninjas have to eat too.
1. Tomatoes

Sasuke would only eat tomatoes. And Naruto would eat everything but tomatoes. Whenever Sasuke got something else with his tomatoes, he would give it to Naruto. Whenever Naruto got tomatoes with his something else, he would give it to Sasuke. And they were very happy.

--

Sasuke would only eat tomatoes. And Naruto would eat everything. Whenever Sasuke got tomatoes, Naruto would gobble them up. Whenever Naruto got food, he would suck it up like some sort of demented vacuum cleaner. They were not very happy.

--

Sasuke would only eat tomatoes. And Naruto would eat everything. He ate all the furniture and devices in their apartment, along with anything else he could find. They were quite miserable.

--

Sasuke wouldn't eat a thing. Naruto was happy. Sasuke died three weeks later.

--

Sasuke had healthy eating habits. And Naruto ate very well too. But they slaughtered each other in a sparring match that was taken too far anyway.

TBC

Psychoticbunny: Well, I know this chapter was awfully short, but they'll be much longer in the future. I can't believe I actually pulled my act together and was able to submit a fanfic in the first place. Anyway, if you guys have suggestions for different characters, I'll do any two (so long as I haven't already covered them).


	2. Lunch with a Hyuuga

Hinata had frail, dainty fingers, Kakashi noticed as he watched her pick at her rice ball with mild interest. Kakashi had already gulped down the bento box he'd brought with him in under two seconds.

Kurenai had been troubled by her pupil's antisocial tendencies after she had once again spied poor Hinata barely consuming her food near a withered old tree near the front of the academy. She sat on a wooden swing, gently rocking her body back and forth. Of course, she had spotted this from quite a distance. Had she been a bit closer, she might have noticed the content smile that graced Hinata's delicate features.

The truth was, Hinata had gotten a bit obsessed with her attempts to stalk her one true love and accidentally tripped over a root during the last session, alerting Naruto of her presence. The boy was his usual friendly self, heading right over to her immediately in order to help her up. Hinata, too, was her usual self and fainted at the sight of his dazzling smile. After such humiliation, she was much too frightened to peer at him as he ate lunch with his teammates that day, and decided that sitting on the swing he was once so fond of was equally satisfying.

A poor decision, really, especially after her depressed attitude during training. Anyone would be worried over such behavior, plus Kurenai was probably the most maternal of the Jounins. However, the woman had been assigned a mission that particular day and needed someone to do her bidding. She'd normally send Asuma places, but she knew that Hinata was terrified of anything remotely intimidating, and Asuma was a bulky, tall, and extremely muscular man. It was completely coincidental that Kakashi happened to be strolling down the road, engrossed in his usual pornography, and very unfortunate for the second biggest pervert in all of Konoha.

Some said that women lost their charm after they had been jaded by their experiences of pain gained from so much fighting. Kurenai proved this theory wrong. In less time than it took Kakashi to eat his lunch that particular day, she had roped him into dining with her dear student until she felt comfortable enough to eat lunch with other children her age.

Hinata was a pleasant girl in Kakashi's opinion. Quiet and a hard worker, from what he had heard. Still, she was no conversationalist and she wouldn't even eat her lunch. She just picked at it. It was surprisingly frustrating and it made Kakashi feel like shoving the damn food down her throat. But he was still a Jounin, and he had to act like the responsible adult he was (supposed to be). Besides, almost choking a defenseless Genin from your own village was not the smartest career choice in the ninja world.

After sitting next to her, watching her tear up strips of ginger into minuscule pieces between her manicured fingernails (and he thought it was only Sakura who payed so much attention to her nails, which would all be broken and chipped by the end of the rigorous training anyway) for about an hour or so, it became obvious that, if left to her own devices, Kakashi would be wasting a lot more time under this tree with this strange girl. It's no wonder she has no friends, thought Kakashi, as there was no sign of a personality in sight.

Well, Kakashi would _not _have it, sitting and watching the poor girl suffer in silence (that his grunts that he passed off as answers to the occasional inquiry had encouraged)! He had porn to buy, for God's sake! (Although, on the contrary, God was rather opposed to this idea, but he's not a legitimate Naruto character so he doesn't have the right to have his opinion voiced.)

Getting back to the matter at hand, if the Hyuuga girl wasn't keen on attempting to befriend her fellow ninja, then he'd just have to make her fellow ninja befriend her! And what better way to accomplish the feat than bullying his very own students into doing so! He had authority over them after all.

So he quickly summoned them all to their usual training ground. Naruto was excited to learn new techniques and didn't mind yelling at the top of his lungs and bounding around like a hyperactive bunny on Ritalin to express his passion. Sasuke was equally excited, but was able to control his enthusiasm. Still, he wondered what spectacular occurrence could've inspired Kakashi into calling them out on their day off. Sakura was extremely disappointed. She was in the midst of meticulously painting over each of her battered and chipped fingernails. Now half of them looked neat and beautiful, and the other half looked more like tree bark than nails. She rooted herself on the left side of Sasuke, making sure the latter were hidden from his sight at all times. She needn't have worried so much, because he was granting his attention only to Kakashi, who was pacing around slowly, his heart thumping loudly inside his chest with anticipation. If Sakura were a bit older and more observant, she probably would've muttered something like, "Testosterone, tsk..." and deserted her attempts at catching Sasuke's attention, but she was quite young and oblivious (though no where near Naruto's level) and batted her eyes at her crush, regardless of his intense focus on their teacher.

"Listen up!" Kakashi finally announced after he had paced to his heart's content. (What was he thinking of? Well, this is rated for all ages, so it's not the type of information we could divulge in such a story.) "I've decided to teach you a new technique, but I will only teach it to one student. There will be a task you must complete before I deem you worthy of it. It will be a race, almost, to finish it. The one who does this quickest will be the one who I will teach this technique to. Any objections?"

Sakura would have liked to speak up and say that today was their day off and she'd much rather relax in her bathtub, trying to regain some form of her femininity after a whole six days of wrestling with boys in the mud, but, spotting the excited look in Sasuke's eyes, she swallowed those words back down her throat and held her tongue. If she was able to learn the technique, Sasuke would surely come running to her, begging to be taught, striving for an upper hand against Naruto. She smirked, pleased with her intelligence, crossed her arms, and waited for the task to be assigned.

Naruto loved a good challenge. Objections were completely out of the question. Plus, that bastard Sasuke needed to learn his place. The same went for Sasuke. He couldn't have an idiot learning _his _technique.

"Alright then. You must become friends with Hyuuga Hinata," revealed the man. "She must never feel lonely or unwanted again. Hop to it, then." And he disappeared with a poof.

Naruto was off, jumping from building to building at once. He knew he was extremely friendly and could befriend anyone. Overconfident as he was, he most definitely had a high chance of winning. Both Sasuke and Sakura were well aware of this, because they, like many others, had known of the huge crush Hinata had on their teammate since they first began attending the academy.

This thought was enough to motivate Sasuke to follow his teammate in hot pursuit. He was no social butterfly, resembling more of a socially inept moth. In order to beat this challenge, he knew he'd have to immobilize Naruto before his chances were ruined.

It took Sakura a minute to organize her thoughts. She has been standing closest to Kakashi and when he "poofed" away, she inhaled an unhealthy amount of smoke and stood coughing for a bit. When she had reduced this to wheezing, she went over the events that transpired during her fit. The challenge had just begun and she was already behind. However, they were just stupid boys, she reminded herself, temporarily forgetting her beloved Sasuke was included in this group, and boys were no good at winning themselves friendship with a timid girl like Hinata.

She stated the overdue line at this moment, "Testosterone, tsk..." and hopped off to find the Hyuuga at a slower pace.

--

Naruto was the first to leave, so he should have been the first to find Hinata in theory. However, it was no secret that Naruto was not the most observant fellow and he ended up trailing Neji for a good hour or two until he realized that Hinata's voice was not that deep. Turning to face his subject, he became aware that the face was more masculine, plus there was pure hatred in the clear, hypnotizing eyes, a feeling Hinata would most certainly not express so clearly, even if she did have such strong emotions.

Naruto still had his manners, despite the embarrassment, and clarified his reasoning for annoying Neji to such an extent. This turned out to be a very stupid idea on Naruto's part, and although there had been stupider in the past, the effect of this mistake was unpleasant, to say the least. And that was how Naruto ended up throwing away another four hours of his precious time, listening to Neji drone on about how to properly handle his cousin, along with several monologues about personal involvement with fate and destiny. Neji talked and talked until Naruto's throat felt dry, and then talked some more. It was quite unexpected, considering his ordinarily subdued character. Only his teammates knew of his ability to drone on about fate and the like for hours on end and they kept their misery to themselves. Tenten had been able to build up resistance to these long speeches, between Lee's obsession with youth, and Neji's with destiny, but Naruto avoided Lee so he wouldn't get involved in training until his muscles wilted on his bones. He'd always strayed from the Hyuuga's company as well, preferring more outspoken or exciting companions, such as Kiba or even Sasuke, although he wouldn't be caught dead admitting such a thing.

The protagonist was too baffled by Neji's strange antics to conjure up a valid reason for leaving and was left to the mercy of Neji and his long winded thoughts on life.

Therefore, it was Sasuke who encountered the poor girl first. She was picking flowers, strolling along fields filled with palettes of vibrant color. Humming a sweet melody, she sniffed at each variety, plucking a few of each and then continuing on to the next bunch.

So she hummed and Sasuke stood to the side, waiting to be perceived. The tactic was not as successful as he might have hoped. He was forced to wait around for several minutes until Hinata waddled over to his area. The close proximity did nothing to change their interaction, for Hinata was all but entranced with the flowers and had no recognition of the boy standing but a few inches from her. Naruto has competition, Sasuke thought bitterly, as the girl bumped into him at last and glanced up in shock.

There were no words no exchanged, no pleasant chatter, just dead air hanging over the pair of silent individuals as Hinata stared at Sasuke, who glared back. In his defense, it much less vicious than his usual expression, but was none too friendly nevertheless. They stayed motionless for a while, besides occasional blinking and the gradual narrowing of Sasuke's eyebrows.

Hinata was beyond confused. He poor little body began pumping blood into her brain, trying to find any rhyme or reason to why Uchiha Sasuke stood before her. Hinata did not thrive socially, but she knew from the few conversations with those of her gender and from the general gaping that Sasuke was a very popular boy. She knew from the lack of attention from the opposite gender and the overall ignorance of her presence, she was not a very popular girl. All the blood in her head made her body feel very heavy, so the blood shot straight out, making her feel light-headed, on the verge of fainting.

Sasuke was equally befuddled, but with a more frustrated way of thinking. Most girls were overjoyed when he looked at them, even if it was only for a second. There was obviously something very wrong with the Hyuuga. It was no wonder she didn't have any friends! He briefly speculated the effects of killing her right here and now, and claiming she died in his arms, whispering about the strength of their friendship, her dying words. But he didn't have time to kill mentally retarded heiresses; his brother was still alive and well! (And killing the mentally disabled was against his Way of the Ninja.)

Still glaring, he pointed to the Hyuuga, trying to convey his message. Being emotionally constipated did have its downsides.

"You. Me. Tea. Dango."

And now Hinata believed that Sasuke himself was mentally retarded and she wasn't sure exactly how to act around a person with less than average mental health. She didn't like the thought of being around an unstable person, even though she couldn't specify how severe his case was. It frightened her immensely, but she definitely was not about to offend him, so she gave a violent nod and jogged to catch up with the Uchiha, who had advanced several feet during her contemplation.

Sasuke still glared several feet ahead of him as Hinata followed solemnly behind him. He was secretly extremely pleased at his intelligence (and back at her house, preforming the painstakingly difficult task of prettying up her nails, Sakura smirked with the thought of her witty plan, gracing her simple mind with happiness). For a second, he had been worried about spending all day in that field, taking part in the longest staring competition ever held. But now he would be buying the girl dango (which he liked very much, even though tomatoes were better) and soon everything would fall into place.

He had planned to enter the usual restaurant he went to in order to eat his dango in peace, but he came across another shop on the way, one that looked by far, much less crowded than the original one. Dangao was written across the top of the store, a silly spelling mistake. Perhaps he would mention it to them if their dango was any good.

A little bell clanged as he entered, and he was so entertained by his thoughts of some teppanyaki dango he nearly slammed the door in his follower's face, but remembered her presence at the last second. It was crucial to make a good impression, he scolded himself, as he held the door open long enough for Hinata to shuffle into the store. She was also rapt in the debate between ordering chichi or goma dango. She was in the mood for something sweet, but wasn't it a bit early for a sweet like chichi? Nearly bumping into several pieces of furniture, she was finally able to join Sasuke at the table he had chosen, adjacent to a big window.

A bubbly waitress appeared at their side and asked for their orders.

Hinata opened her mouth to speak, but Sasuke beat her to it.

"I'll have the teppanyaki dango and she'll get bocchan." (For Sasuke usually only partook in eating dango with Naruto, and that flavor happened to be his favorite.)

The waitress look bemused for a moment and then replied with a, "I'm sorry. I'm afraid we don't have what you are asking for."

Sasuke scrunched up his nose in agitation. She had an accent. He hated girls with accents.

"Mitarashi?"

"No."

"Kinako?"

"Nope."

"Hanami?"

"Nu-uh."

"Well, then. What _do _you have?" he ordered in an exasperated voice.

Their waitress vanished into the back of the shop and came back with a cart filled with all sorts of delicious-looking cakes. There were several coated with fruit, some decorated with festive icing, but all looked extremely appetizing, at least to Hinata.

Sasuke, as many knew, hated sweet things with a burning passion.

"Why does it say 'dango' on your shop if you don't sell it?" he complained, his voice more whiny than he intended.

"No, no! Not dango. Dan_gao_. It means cake in Chinese." The waitress was by no means ugly. She had rich brown hair, tied up by a red ribbon and almond-shaped hazel eyes. She smiled a very charming smile at that moment, one that would win over the hearts of most men, but Sasuke was much too composed. Or picky. But he liked to credit his composure rather than his finicky taste in women.

The boy scrunched up his nose again, but calmed his anger, thinking of his company. A good impression, a good impression, he chanted in his head. He would need to bring Advil the next time he spent time with the troublesome Hyuuga, because none of the misfortunes could possibly be his own fault. He pointed at a cake near the bottom of the cart with the least extra ingredients he could find and then motioned for Hinata to follow suit. She chose a lovely little slice of cake with a decent amount of icing, dotted with strawberries along the edge. The waitress placed the plates before them and two desert forks on the center of the table. She then fled back to the confines of the back of the shop.

Hinata was able to enjoy her cake even though her date was stabbing his cake with a maniacal look in his eye. She tried to focus more on the savory taste in her mouth. There was just the right amount of sweetness so that the cake did not overpower her senses, nor was it too sour or salty. In a couple of minutes, she had nibbled her way through the slice, while Sasuke had accomplished nothing but mashing his cake up into an odd mixture of the actual cake and icing. The bill was paid hurriedly and Sasuke sped out of the shop as fast as possible, making a mental note to avoid the place like the plague as Hinata made a mental note to come back later. There was a soothing atmosphere in the shop, in addition to the multitude of cakes she was now eager to try.

It had gotten a bit chillier during their experience at the shop. Hinata zipped up her jacket and rubbed her hands against her arms, hoping to receive warmth in return for her endeavor. Sasuke was stumped as to what to do next. He felt that parading her around town without the slightest bit of recognition would be too cold. However, he was not one to randomly hug people he barely knew. He felt the need for some physical interaction though, and settled for letting his hand rest on top of the girl's head. Hinata glanced up at the object weighing down her head and then shifted her gaze to her feet, letting it remain there as her face was turned crimson.

Sasuke was too engrossed in not glaring for her reaction to register in his mind. It didn't work too well. He ended up glaring anyway, but with the addition of violent twitches of his eye. On the contrary, he looked much more like a psychopath than a loving companion.

The two remained motionless, similar to their situation earlier in the day, both struggling with their own raging internal battles and pretty much ignoring each other.

At this time, Naruto had finally managed to ward off Neji by asking him what he was supposed to be doing during a breath between ultimatums. Luckily, there was some sort of meeting he was required to attend and Naruto managed to escape the sticky predicament. And people called him slow. He swaggered down the road triumphantly, his empty head void of all thoughts relating to his primary objective. That is, until he came across a very strange sight.

Sasuke was standing in front of the girl he was to befriend, hand on her head. He must have been adding a fair amount of pressure, for it seemed he was forcing the poor girl's head down. But Hinata didn't voice a complaint, unless it was a very quiet objection.

"Hey bastard!" Naruto shouted, shocking the two out of their own little worlds. Sasuke swiftly withdrew his hand as though he had been burned and Hinata turned an even brighter shade of red.

Sasuke, by nature, would have initiated a glaring match, but he had to admit he'd worn himself out over the day. He did manage a nasty snarl of, "Dead last" and because this was Naruto he was insulting, it didn't really matter if the offensive comment was witty, so long as it got him bothered.

"What did you just call me, you bastard?" Naruto bellowed, enraged.

Hinata backed away from the fearsome duo. She was able to sneak away as the empty threats spurred a terrible aftermath of fighting (remember that sparring match from the first chapter?).

--

It was very late at night when Sakura at last finished grooming herself, much too late to gossip with a girlfriend over dango and tea, so she fell asleep, deciding she shouldn't fuss over such frivolous matters like some obscure technique she'd probably fail at anyway. Sasuke and Naruto deserved it more than her anyway.

--

Hinata had frail, dainty fingers, Kakashi noticed as he watched her pick at her rice ball with mild interest, his discontent overpowering the feeling of deja vu.

TBC

By the by, all the dango info was researched on Wikipedia. Can you guess what my two favorite adjectives are?

...

I hope no religious people read this chapter...

I've got a deal about reviews I'd like to tell you about, by the way. I would've mentioned it in the first chapter, but I felt that it would've been unfair to give you so little writing and then make the author's note longer than the actual story. Anywho, if you've read my profile, you'll know I don't really like searching for fanfiction. It's time-consuming and I'm extremely lazy. However, if you have taken the courtesy of reviewing my fanfic, I'd like to pay you back in some way. Therefore, if you have written a fanfiction you'd like me to read and review, you can just mention it in your review and I will read and review that story. I do like reading. But please specify what degree of critique you'd like. I can get very mean and some people prefer no critique at all. I just don't want anyone to get upset.


	3. The Woes of a Teenager's Craving

This isn't the funniest chapter in the world, the fourth is funnier. I just felt obliged to produce a chapter. I think I might do another Sakura/Ino one because this one really sucks.

--

Ice cream had been a popular frozen treat for the citizens of Konoha ever since an immigrant from Suna had introduced it during the ruling of the second Hokage. They found that on the hot summer days that would occasionally hit the country, a refreshing scoop of ice cream would efficiently cool their sweaty bodies.

Naturally, Ino had here fair share of the dairy product, that was, until she was told the number of calories. So when frozen yogurt was invented in their own country, she was overjoyed. All of the sweet, satisfying taste without all the unwanted fat!

Ino had never been keen on gaining weight ever since she was aware of the possibility of obesity, so she generally laid off any sugary foods. She felt great excitement that she would finally be able to enjoy the sweet delight of desert, and perhaps it was that excitement that caused her to go overboard. Overboard meaning having a daily giant serving of frozen yogurt.

Personally, she believed she had thought out an idea made of pure brilliance. She was unable to skip breakfast because of her training; it was crucial for ninjas to obtain the nutrients necessary to function, especially because she tended to be forced to finish up Shikamaru's share of work after he had fallen asleep gazing at the clouds. It was no challenge to figure out which of her teammates Asuma favored, but she was glad to have a reason to complain about sexism.

She was unable to skip dinner as well. Her father came home every night so long as he was not on an extended mission and a family dinner was customary. Her parents would surely notice if she refused to eat the home-cooked meal. Therefore, she had no other choice (having the frozen yogurt as a treat every once in a while was out of the question) but to have her favorite food take the place of her lunch. Every day she would simply eat her monstrously large pile of frozen yogurt instead of any more healthful substitute.

Also, frightened by the thought of someone finding out her addiction, she would hide in the small space between the Ichiraku Ramen stand and the department store located right behind it. There, she was able to relax and indulge in her obsession with minimal fretting.

It was on Tuesday that her haven was interrupted, for at her arrival, she found an unexpected visitor. Imagine her surprise when she discovered her very own rival chowing down on the very same kind of frozen yogurt she held in her hands.

Sakura noticed the added presence and swiftly rose, shielding the dish behind her body.

The two girls stared at each other, realizing how very similar their "master plans" were, both their cheeks growing pinker by the second.

"Uh..." they groaned in unison, and quickly shut their mouths.

There was another moment of silence, then the addition of Ino preforming an awkward cough. Sakura nodded her head slightly as if in agreement and then voiced her thoughts.

"We never speak of this again?"

"Never."

Weirded out by the situation, the girls avoided frozen yogurt like the plague for the rest of their adolescence.


End file.
